Certain myths related to sexual harassment are resulting in people asking the wrong questions. It’s time we are busting sexual harassment myths once & for all and understanding the victim’s perspective. We better teach our men to behave instead of questioning and restricting our women.
India has been going through a wave. No, a TORNADO actually. And it’s called the #MeToo movement. Women from all walks of life are sharing their stories of sexual harassment.
Characters of the most powerful men in influential positions are coming under the scanner. Heroes are falling and people are waking up to the fact that women have been suffering from sexual harassment for a long time.
The movement has gained traction online and many women are sharing their stories and coming out with the names of their perpetrators on social media. The complaints have majorly been from women working in Bollywood (Hindi film industry).
And as we all know, if something’s on social media and it involves Bollywood personalities, then there will be opinions on it. People are expressing their views on the incidents and extending their support to the victims.
However, to my surprise, there’s a sizable section of people who are sceptical of the women’s complaints. They think it’s an attempt for garnering cheap publicity and maligning the image of good people. They’re raising 2 major questions –
- Why are these women complaining about sexual harassment after so many years of the “incident happening to them” & where is the proof?
- But the men in question have supported noble causes in society and done a lot of charity. They have a clean image. So then how can they sexually harass women?
Answering these 2 questions and busting sexual harassment myths is what this post is about.
BUSTING SEXUAL HARASSMENT MYTHS
SEXUAL HARASSMENT MYTH 1 :
Women complaining about sexual harassment after so many years of the incident is just attention seeking. Speak with proof. Where’s the proof?
BUSTING THE MYTH:
I’ll be busting this myth in detail so that you know WHY it takes women so long to raise their voice against sexual harassment.
STRUGGLE
When a person starts their career especially in the Hindi film industry, it’s a struggle. A struggle that involves
- Convincing your parents that you want to pursue a career in the unpredictable “big bad world of acting”.
- Living alone in Mumbai (the hub of Bollywood) and finding an accomodation to yourself.
- Standing in long lines of auditions and facing rejections day in & day out.
- Hustling on the sidelines to build contacts so that they can refer you to the right people and your good audition doesn’t go to waste.
- A feeling of constant pressure when parents and other relatives call to ask you “When are we seeing you in a film?” while friends your age are settling down in stable jobs.
- A feeling of guilt of having to borrow money from parents to survive alone in an expensive city like Mumbai where actors get work “not so regularly”.
When a woman finally crosses all these hurdles, she’s on the cusp of achieving her dream and bagging a big project. But the man in charge of the project (producer/director/financer/casting director) who can make or break this newbie’s career has other plans.
Pic credit @Army.mil
He decides to use his influence and power to force this woman to compromise and satisfy his sexual needs. Sometimes, he just pounces on her without a warning and the woman is in utter disbelief not knowing what to do.
She had placed her trust in this man to be fair and well-mannered but her faith is betrayed. The man has tried to force himself, grope, kiss, molest, rape and even hit the woman in anger when she hasn’t submitted herself. After such a harrowing experience, the woman doesn’t know what to do.
MENTAL CONDITION OF THE VICTIM
Firstly she is numb. She still hasn’t registered what has happened. Furthermore, the “good image” of the influential person in her head has been shattered. He turned out to be a sexual predator. She’s scared. Vulnerable. Helpless.
Who does she go to? Where does she complain? The financial clout and authority that her perpetrator enjoys is so much that the lawmakers, the police, the people wouldn’t believe her even if she complained because she is a newbie.
It’s her word against his. And he’s too famous & powerful.
She can’t even share it with her parents because then her parents would have reminded her of her career choice and their initial warning. Worse still, on informing them, they might feel helpless as they’re not that powerful or well connected to fight a legal battle against the perpetrator.
The woman doesn’t raise a hue & cry fearing that her career might be destroyed by the people in the corridors of power.
So she lives with it. Every second, every day, she lives with it. The incident changes her personality forever. She falls into the clutches of depression as her perpetrator continues to – work on projects & harass many others like her who want to make it big in the industry.
That creates a horde of such women who have been assaulted – both mentally & physically.
Meanwhile people keep working with this perpetrator and he keeps minting money. It gives an impression to the women that this is how the industry functions & that nothing can be done against their perpetrator. They go on with their lives and leave this chapter behind.
A SUDDEN RAY OF HOPE
Years pass by and things go on as usual. Suddenly, out of nowhere this one fearless voice comes out. A famous woman from within the industry decides to come out with her sexual harassment story on national television. She calls out her perpetrator and narrates things just as they happened.
The women are seeing this. Somebody has actually voiced what they had experienced too. Besides, it’s a famous woman who has taken a stand. The women are seeing people lending a ear to her story.
News channels are supporting her. People are extending their support online and standing with her against the perpetrator.
The women are taken back to the traumatic memory of the assault. The wounds become fresh again. It’s like the doors to the cupboard of grief, despair, helplessness, violation have been opened.
The women are now so overwhelmed that they know if they don’t let it out now and gather the courage to say it as it is, then they’ll never be free of this trauma.
The bravery of that one woman has given these women a hope that their stories will find takers too. So they let go of their mental barriers, their buried angst and gather the guts to speak against these men. They let it out. Loud and Clear. #MeToo
- The fear of losing her career – is the reason why she didn’t say it then.
- The inability of the law & order to support her & give her the confidence of opening up – is why she didn’t say it then.
- The inherent patriarchal mindset of the society – is the reason why she didn’t say it then.
- She was helpless and a struggling nobody who’d be facing the accusation of garnering cheap publicity. This fear of judgement – is the reason why she didn’t say it then.
PROOF OF HARASSMENT?
The perpetrator doesn’t create a Facebook event called “Let’s play Harassment” stating the venue and time of harassment. There are no list of invitees to RSVP and witness the event of harassment.
The perpetrator plans it out in such a way that the woman is caught unawares and is at her most vulnerable state.
Then how does a woman prove if the man groped, molested, tried to kiss, force himself & have sex with her? She didn’t have the luxury of knowing the intention of the predator in advance to record a video of the proceedings.
Pic credit @Army.mil
Therefore, can we stop being insensitive and illogical when a woman is raising her voice? As it is it takes a lot to put your vulnerable self out there and narrate your story. The least we can do is listen to her.
There is a possibility of a fake claim too, yes. Not being the judge here. All I’m asking is to stop questioning her credibility already by judging the time at which she has narrated her story of harassment.
All I’m asking is the decency as a human to be empathetic towards her suffering and give her the freedom to express herself. Freedom that she’s been craving for a long long time. She’s a human, so let’s treat her like one.
SEXUAL HARASSMENT MYTH 2 :
The men in question support noble causes in the society and have done a lot of charity. They have a clean image. How can they harass women?
BUSTING THE MYTH :
Busting the myth, I’d like to say that the activities men do in public do not define their character in private. Doing charity and supporting noble causes is good but that does not give the man a clean chit to escape complaints of sexual harassment against him.
Most of the time, such public acts are nothing but “image improving PR strategies” to hide their misdeeds in real life. A man could be supporting girl child education in front of the media houses and molesting young girls behind closed doors for all you know.
Real charity doesn’t need cameras or advertising. It needs selflessness and good intent.
ADDRESSING THE INDIAN MENTALITY
These men know that in a country like India, people take the image created very seriously. If you do a lot of charity in the public eye and support noble causes, then people worship you. They make a demi-god out of you. They idolise you. You can do no wrong.
People assume the reel image that these men portray to be their real image as well. And these men know that. This is why they use it as a free pass or license to do anything behind closed doors.
Because they know that blind followers would come to support the “image” they have created through their PR agencies.
We have got to learn to differentiate between a person’s image and their actual character. We shouldn’t be naive to mix the two and fall prey to false advertising.
Because each time we do fall prey to such gimmicks, an innocent one loses the battle and the perpetrator becomes stronger. Let these men know that their money can buy newspaper articles for publicity but not a character certificate.
And if you find difficulty in doing that, try putting a female member from your family in place of the victim. Now tell me.
Should we let the “good guy with a clean image” go or question him fairly and hold him accountable in the eyes of the law?Â
CONCLUSION
We as a society have somehow failed at acting as a support to the sexual harassment victims thanks to our own preconceived notions and myths. It’s high time we don’t shame or question the victims, but shame and question the perpetrator.
It’s time we stop restricting the women from living a normal life but instead teach the men how to behave. That and only that can pave the way for a safer and more cultured society.
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Title Picture credit @ Picpedia.org
45 comments
Great to see a man talking to other men about this issue! Well-written post!
Thank you Nina. I just wish that the message reaches as many people as possible. Glad you liked it.
What a well written post. It’s good to see that also men take attitude and talk about this problem! Keep up the good work!
I am so glad this movement is spreading. I feel for the women who have had to keep quiet for some many years. I’m glad they can speak up now and that men are being punished.
This movement is such an eye-opener! People you would’ve never thought of are coming out and speaking their truth!
Love that you posted this from a males perspective! Thank you! As someone whoâs gone through this youâre absolutely right! I wish more men would see this side of it and not jump to âsheâs lying.â âShe has no proof.â âIt âhappenedâ so many years ago.. why now?â It took me a year and a half to come forward with what happened to me. So thank you for being one of the few men who understand where weâre coming from. This also goes for the men who go through this, too. I donât what to seem like Iâm minimizing their experience of this because I know it happens to them, too.
We really need to be more open about the subject and less judgmental, it is happening and women are afraid to talk about it.
I like understanding the victims side of things. I just hate when political event plays with all these women’s emotions.
Thank you for this post. My degree is in public health and I used to work in this very field. Itâs a topic I wish more people talked about.
You have listed out the struggle list in various example, great work and hope it raise more awareness to the public.
This movement is growing strong in America too. Iâm so glad women finally have a voice to tell what had happened to them now.
This is such a hard topic for me. Thank you for taking the time out to talk about it since it’s something a lot of people need to hear
Loved hearing this from a man’s perspective. Thank you for writing this post. Thank you for opening our eyes and allowing others to see it in different aspects and in depth.
What an interesting post. Thank you for bringing this to the light and explaining the perspective of a vicitim. This is such a sad world we live in these days. I’m so sad that this happens and happens often. It’s unfair! I’m happy that victims are speaking out and paving a way for other victims. I’m still sad though…
There is one thing which is bothering me, humlog jinke paas internet hai, humlog to #MeToo ka naara lga lenge, lekin humare country ki un garib gaaon ki ladkio ka kya jinke saath har din galat hota h. Bura lgta h soch k….
People and NGO’s are trying to integrate them too in the movement. The sexism and stringent anti-women rituals still do exist and only time and a bit of education can change that.
its so sad to know that this goes on! the best thing we can do is keep everyone informed of what is going on in the industry and find ways that we can protect ourselves from this and being taken advantage of
This is great. The #metoo movement has helped give a voice to women everywhere. I hadn’t thought about women in countries like India where a woman voice has been silenced by generations of culture.
I think many of us have been in a situation like this, sadly. I am glad that it’s all coming to light now and people are realizing that it’s ok to speak out.
This is very informative and an awareness! This is so worthy to read, I totally agree with everything!
I am glad this issue is coming out in public.I hope it will spread and everyone will read it. I am feeling sad for those victims.
Thank you so much for writing this post. We donât talk about this too much, but we need too.
I can’t even imagine how difficult it is for someone who has experienced this to speak up. Perpetrators definitely need to be made accountable for the physical and emotional pain they cause for their victims.
This touches home for me in so many ways. I feel like we still have a ways to go to have empathy for the victims of sexual harrassment. Hopefully with these movement we can step closer.
Thank you so much for sharing such an important post. I can relate to the “you have no proof” situation. There isn’t always proof, and when something happens at such a young age, you also don’t fully know how to react until later in life.
I am glad someone is taking this thing seriously. You are right, when it happens, you cannot think about proof and you don’t know how to react. I am glad,people from all over the country are supporting this movement,yes there are few who misuse this opportunity. They have to be accountable for the pain they cause for their victims.
This is great article to read. I have one friend who was sexually harrassed and it took her while to speak up and I’m sure she went through lots of emotion, anger and sadness.
The #MeToo movement has been a global gathering of courage for victims of sexual harassment/crimes to come forward. A singular voice might be cast aside but when you have a chorus of voices together, it is more likely to be heard. A victim speaking up takes bravery. When the victim speaks up does not matter. Their voice deserves to be heard, investigated and handled appropriately.
And there are TONS of men and women that have a done work for charities/donate to causes…that doesn’t make them good people. It’s their actions as a whole that makes them good people.
Absolutely right Laurie.
I think it’s great that you brought up such a touchy subject. I need to open my mind up to a lot of this as well. Thanks.
It is nice to see a man post about the #metoo topic! It is a hard topic to talk about for anyone. But it is nice for people to speak up about it.
it is great to hear it from a man’s point of view! it just proves how serious this matter is and everyone should be more aware!
I love that you are using your platform to discuss a topic that so many other men would just brush off. This speaks volumes of your character.
Thanks Nicole. It’s high time that we get discussing. Good to see positive changes happening too. Better late than never.
This is such a very interesting article to read and I am glad someone raise this in a public. I love the idea of #metoo movement and I hope it become successful. Thank you for doing this for all women but also for all men who also experience this kind of harassment.
I recently did a podcast interview with Ashley Maria who is a Hollywood Film Maker of the upcoming movie, Pioneers In Skirts which also helps to highlight the inferior treatment of women in the workplace. When will things change?
I thought the situation got better after the #MeToo campaign and the unison of all female actors demanding an equal pay on par with their male counterparts. What was her take on it as a woman filmmaker?
I echo the sentiments of the other commenters here. It is great to get a man’s perspective from the other side of the world (I live in the US.) This is a global issue that has been going on for way too long. I am so glad to see people speaking up about it. Thank you for standing up and speaking out!
It’s so sad that even in our modern society, these primitive acts still exist. đ I honestly don’t know what to say. I really feel bad for the victims.
It was a huge movement. It brought a lot of good about, for sure.
Thank you for the perspective and talking on such an important issue. This is truly a tragic global issue that continues to happen and we definitely need to continue the conversation and take action.
It’s important to open of this kind of topic. Sexual harassment is no joke! Their are being traumatic đ This is great article to read today.
This is such an important topic, especially in the work force. You did such a great job on this post, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Thanks for sharing!
Sending prayers of strength and heeling to anyone that has been through this terrifying experience
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