Sexual harassment of women has somehow become a normal thing in current times. Respect towards the female gender has seen a steep decline. A female friend made me go through her DM (Direct Message) section of Instagram recently and I was shocked. That experience has forced me to write this article on the 5 social media etiquette rules that men need to follow.
I’ll get to the rules but first let me give you some background information about my friend. I can’t name my friend for privacy and security reasons, so let’s call her ”A”.
SOME BACKGROUND INFORMATION ABOUT MY FRIEND “A”
A is this beautiful female friend of mine who resides in Mumbai and is an actress. She’d come to my city Hyderabad to screen test for a role in a big Tollywood multi-lingual film.
Because she’s attractive, it’s obvious that she’s the cynosure of all eyes when she enters a room. She’s ambitious, has a fiery streak and an endearing smile that reflects warmth and genuineness.
BACK TO THE TOPIC
A is sitting across the dining table having her breakfast. She tells me how her followers have increased from 2,035 to 2,235+ in a matter of 2 days.
All this, thanks to the Hyderabadi guys finding her profile on Tinder and then inboxing her on Instagram.
She’s amused at some of the texts she’s reading and tells me to go through her DM’s. As soon as I held the phone, a message pops up with a guy describing her assets and how beautiful she is.
I scroll through. Close to 125+ DM’s from “stranger” guys. The DM’s had all the ingredients – some desperate, some horny, some unfunny, some downright creepy, some over smart and the others lecherous in their description.
If there were a Cringe-o-Meter, it’d look exactly like my face on reading the DM’s.
It wasn’t funny after a while. From harmless “Hi’s” and “you look hot”, the messages transitioned to unfunny pick-up lines and volunteering to show her the city if she’s feeling lonely.
I felt uncomfortable holding her phone in my hand and seeing “sexual objectification” reach a whole new level.
That discomfort is why I am writing this post and if it can even bring one guy in line to behave, then my objective to write this post has been fulfilled.
5 SOCIAL MEDIA ETIQUETTE RULES THAT MEN NEED TO FOLLOW
RULE 1 – Just because she’s beautiful, it does not mean you’re entitled to take cheap shots at her. Do not pass comments that are crass & objectify her.
RULE 2 – If she replies “Thank you” to a compliment, does not mean that she wants to get laid with you or she’ll accept whatever you throw at her next. It’s called being polite. That’s all she’s doing.
RULE 3 – Just because you dropped a message, doesn’t make her liable to reply. You wrote a text and that was your choice. She read the text and didn’t reply. That’s her choice. Do not keep bombarding her with multiple texts if she doesn’t reply. Get it straight. No means NO.
RULE 4 – You don’t stalk her if she’s in another city and repeatedly keep texting her, asking if she “needs a good friend”. Show me one person in human history who needs a bad friend. What the fuck is a good friend? What goodness can you provide other than your shameless libido on display and a rocket that can’t stay inside your pocket? Who are you? A spiritual guru who’ll enlighten her like Sadhguru? Unless you’re that, don’t bother.
RULE 5 – If she didn’t notice you on Tinder, be sure as hell she doesn’t want you on her Instagram either. There’s this new trend in which, when a girl doesn’t swipe our millennial despo on Tinder, he takes to Instagram to remind her of his amazing existence and harasses her with a million texts. If she wanted to swipe right on you, then trust me buddy she would have swiped without you begging her to do so. And if you’ve dropped a text and she’s seen it but didn’t reply, then STOP. Right there. Do not climb the peaks of Mt. Creepimanjaro.
CONCLUSION
To see such educated yet “illiterate” guys target my friend’s profile like hungry hyenas was disappointing. It made me feel ashamed of my gender (not all, but the scarily desperate majority).
Because if this is what a girl goes through every fucking second in today’s times, then I’d rather not have a daughter.
Because if I do, I know I’ll be spending more time – in jail beating up the badly brought up buffoons hitting on her than at home parenting her. Be the guy you want your sister/daughter to be surrounded by.
Attention is good. Everybody enjoys it. That’s why social media platforms exist. To make us feel good about our shallow self.
But to confine a full grown human to a piece of meat you want to consume, relish and spit out owing to your hormones? That’s not what a girl, guy or any person craves for. So, surprise her!
Be the scarce species we call, a “gentleman” and follow the 5 social media etiquette rules I have listed above.
SHARE the “5 Social media etiquette rules for men” and PIN the post if you want to send the message across and make social media platforms more safer for females. Thank you!!
Title Pic courtesy – Catalyst
50 comments
Great post! It is awful to get those weird pick up lines on social media and quite annoying and often they are rude.
The least they could do if they’re flirting is be respectful and pleasant.
The gentleman-species are very exotic nowadays, and sometimes I even jokes my friends that I will pay them if they catch one of this species, lol.
Respect begets respect, as they always say.
All hope is not lost. The breed still exists. Hope your share of gentlemanliness is around the corner.
Well said. It is horrible what people think it is OK to do or say when hidden behind a keyboard. Have a rule, if you wouldn’t say it to a persons face, don’t write it on social media.
That’s the golden rule. Can’t say it to the face, don’t type it in the garb of anonymity.
Vaibhav yaar I must say I’m super impressed. U know how it is like for women here.. And I liked the way you presented it globally. I remember my post on stereotypes about women. Loved reading it
Thanks Monidipa. I hope it reaches far and wide so that people know and are made aware of what’s acceptable and what’s not. I was appalled by the acceptance in my friend’s eyes because it’s almost like, she’s gotten used to this kind of unwanted attention and harassment. Hope that misogynistic mindset and sadistic attitude towards women in general changes.
I love this! I always thank god I am taken or Im not sure how I’d go about meeting a gentleman in this day and age!
Glad you found your gentleman in the nick of time.
This is very much rare now. Even I have seen it on my friends’ phone when they share the screenshot and all, but yes some of my female friends take it to next level when someone disagrees or give a suggestion on their posts and all, they humiliate them on stories and what not, just because they cannot take it as a suggestion or as a feedback. The Second part actually people use badly.
That is a different scenario you’re discussing. It goes both ways. Girls shouldn’t take advantage of their position and insult guys for the heck of it too. Social media is a big thing. People notice and follow stuff you do and say. So care needs to be taken as to what’s posted and how it may affect other people involved.
This is a really important topic to highlight. I often think these keyboard warriors think that being online isn’t real and you can treat people with disrespect. It’s not the case we are all human and deserve respect.
That’s right! Respect and sensitivity are the fundamental things keyboard warriors need to understand.
Oh my!I wonder why people will always think too much of small gestures on social media. So it’s so nice that you’ve pointed these out. Treat her like a human!
Ahh some people do think it’s okay to take lewd liberties if they find someone unattractive. Thank goodness the majority of people do not. I still have faith in mankind, despite the creeps.
There’s always some husk with the grain and some creep with the sane. That’s just how the world is.
Great post and so true. Being a woman out there can be tough, so many are afraid to say no to a drink offer because the guy can go from 0 to jerk so fast. And if you let them buy you a drink, obviously you’re saying you want to go home with them (in their minds at least).
Assumption by the male ego is the root cause of distress.
Social Media etiquette is a must-have of lots of people during this new generation, especially women. This can prevent scenarios where there’s cyber bullying and stuff. Very nice. Thanks for sharing.
This is brilliant! Objectifying women is a troubling topic that I’ve been trying to get more awareness for. Not through feminism because that has become stigmatised to mean ‘women having a rant’ (which is also incorrect… but that’s another issue) but through real, clear examples of harassments, treatments, attitudes and words spoken towards women that reduces their status from ‘human’ to ‘sub-human’, ‘meat’, ‘animal’ or an ‘object’! And your post does this brilliantly! thank you for speaking up! I hope the rare species of gentlemen still exists somewhere!
I understand that eagerness in you to tell people and explain it to them. I agree that feminism speaks of women = men & not, women > men. Too bad it’s misconstrued. Thankyou for being an audience that found my writing worthy enough. And yes, the rare breed does exist. Stay connected!
It’s such a shame that things are like this nowadays. Girls shouldn’t have to worry, and it is so sad that they do. 🙁
What a brilliant post and so true. Very well written with valid points, everyone deserves respect and to be treated as a human being
I really like your rules! They are so true and I love that you’re putting them out there.
I get where you are coming from. And in no way does she deserve treatment like this for any reason. But it also reminds us when we put ourselves out there, these sorts of things come. Being a public figure has downsides. And this is one of them unfortunately.
True that. Husk with the grain and pleasure with the pain. Nothing ever comes without the flip side to it.
Great points! The world of social media and tinder is filled with both men and women who feel bravest when hiding behind a screen.
Thanks for sharing your own guy thoughts. It is rare that a guy to share his opinions about women like this topic and kudos for you for letting your guy circle know these do’s and don’ts. Awesome!
I love this post so much!! Thank you for writing it and for being that rare species, gentleman. This woman greatly appreciates it!
Thanks Cris!
Social media can be a scary thing. That is tough to be dealing with all that. There are definitely a lot of unacceptable things going on that need to be sorted for a safer online environment.
This is why I am not sure if I would still want to meet a man. Maybe if I know it’s destiny, I might. But right now, I’m happy to be alone.
I just want to THANK YOU for this beautiful post. We need more people like you to have a better world not only for girls, but for humankind.
What a great post – it is really interesting to read it from a male perspective who has had a friend go through it and supports them. thank you.
Thank you for writing this, women go through so much then end up being objectified yet they are just trying to live their lives. I once had a friend who was taunted day in day out online because of her looks. Let’s just say it never ended well so I do understand.
Having social media manners is a must. Although, people tend to forget it conveniently.
Wow, what an interesting read! Point #2, “If she replies “Thankyou” to a compliment, does not mean that she wants to get laid with you or she’ll accept whatever you throw at her next. It’s called being polite. That’s all she’s doing.” LOL, that’s funny, but well said!
Experienced that in person, didn’t you?
Cyber harassment is something that needs to be discussed more often. Just because we are behind computers doesn’t mean we can be mean or disrespectful.
Thank you so much for bringing this up and for talking about it for all of us. We need to remember that behind all of the social media accounts there are people and we should respect each other. Great post!
You are right, men are becoming animals these days. On the other side of the story, women are also strange these days…
Yes this is disappointing. We do have to screen our social media accounts. No one wants to be stalked or demeaned by the opposite sex.
I truly think it is appalling that people in our society think this is an effective, or even acceptable, way to speak to each other.
Social media can be a frightening place. It’s so important to teach our children how to navigate it safely and to raise our sons to be respectful of all people.
I’ve seen that so often as of lately. Lots of weird men tying to befriend you and leaving un-wanted messages. It does makes one feel uncomfortable.
Such a powerful post. I have recently been reading so many stories on metoo movement and feel bad about how dirty the worls is. Thanks for sharing you make it a better place.
Thanks Rupal. I hope whatever comes out of the movement is lasting and has a positive effect on every field where women work.
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